Have you ever noticed that nagging voice inside your head that tells you you’re not good enough, not worthy enough, or simply “too much”? That voice—the inner critic—often develops early in our lives as a protective mechanism, but eventually becomes the very thing that holds us back from living authentically and taking up space in the world.
In a recent episode of No Shrinking Violets, I spoke with worthiness and law of attraction coach Julie Van Elswyk about transforming our relationship with that inner critic. Julie’s personal journey through trauma led her to develop powerful techniques for helping women rewire self-criticism into deep inner support and lasting confidence. Her approach combines cognitive behavioral techniques, hypnosis, and law of attraction principles to create lasting change in how women relate to themselves.
One of the most profound insights from our conversation is understanding that our inner critic often developed as a way to keep us safe. Perhaps as a child, we experienced embarrassment or criticism that led us to believe staying small was safer. Our brain, specifically the amygdala, which is responsible for scanning for danger, learned that certain behaviors might lead to rejection or pain. That protective mechanism may have served us well as children, but as adults, it becomes a limitation that prevents us from taking risks, expressing ourselves authentically, or pursuing our dreams.
The first step in transforming this relationship is awareness. Many women struggle to even identify those negative thoughts because they’ve become so ingrained. Julie suggests slowing down to notice when you feel anxious or low, then exploring what messages might be playing in your mind during those moments. Once you recognize these thoughts, the next crucial step is understanding the intent behind that critical voice rather than fighting against it. This shift from resistance to compassion creates space for transformation.
What makes Julie’s approach particularly effective is her emphasis on rewiring neural pathways through repetition of new, supportive messages. Using techniques like hypnosis, which simply helps slow brain waves from active beta states to more receptive alpha states, clients can more efficiently integrate positive beliefs about themselves. This isn’t about stage hypnosis or mind control—it’s about creating a relaxed, receptive state where the brain can absorb and integrate new patterns of thinking.
Our conversation also explored how law of attraction principles connect to this inner work. Rather than being merely wishful thinking, the law of attraction operates on the scientific principles of resonance and frequency. When we embody the energy and presence of what we desire—whether that’s confidence, a new job opportunity, or improved relationships—we naturally attract similar energies. Julie shared a powerful personal story about manifesting a new home by first addressing her unconscious resistance and aligning with the feeling of deserving that home, imperfections and all.
Perhaps most encouraging is Julie’s observation that when women begin to take up their space and embody their worth, the people around them often rise to meet them at that higher frequency. While some relationships may require new boundaries, many of our loved ones will actually flourish alongside us as we elevate our own energy. This creates a beautiful ripple effect where one person’s healing and empowerment positively impacts entire communities.
If you’re ready to begin transforming your relationship with your inner critic, Julie offers a free “Release the Inner Critic” workbook on her website that walks through journaling and visualization exercises. The process of befriending that inner voice, understanding its protective intent, and then coaching it into a new role as supporter rather than critic can truly change how you experience life. Remember, we all have access to that higher frequency within us—it’s simply a matter of clearing away the limiting beliefs that have accumulated over time.
Listen to the full episode of No Shrinking Violets HERE.
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